ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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