Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize