my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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