I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize