worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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