My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Be still, my beating vagina.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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