So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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