My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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