how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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