i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
