Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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