dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
