How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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