You can't special order awesome
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
