part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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