the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
