I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
