too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
