Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
