hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
