Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
