I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize