bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
