Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
