My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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