Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize