JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
