i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize