I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
