I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
