i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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