4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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