So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
