some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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