Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it penis luge time yet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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