you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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