After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
