I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've blown a few things in my day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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