You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
