I faked an abortion last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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