Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
