The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
