i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
