Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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