I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
