mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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