Acid is not a monday night drug
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
