I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
