At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
