absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wear drunk well.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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