Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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