Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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