I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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