Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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