Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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