I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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