My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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