How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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