nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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