i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
