I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
