Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
