a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
