he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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