Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
