Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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