"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
