Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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