Quick, to the slutcave!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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